It’s been unusually cold this winter. Have you felt it deep inside your bones? Wrapped in a blanket, hunkered down. Under the weather. Sometimes we just want to cocoon for awhile, especially if our body is fighting off a cold. Occasionally, I just sit and soak up the sunshine or warmth and allow my natural body rhythms to help me back to health.
Sometimes, we cocoon when we need to slow down our life rhythm to accommodate new changes. Taking some time to take in recent experiences is a healthy way to manage stress in life. It usually gives us the refreshment we need to re-ignite the fire of our inner motivation.
Yet, there comes a point in a person’s life when this cocooning process is the dominant mode of life. Sometimes a terminal illness causes this. Or the inevitable frailty of old age causes us to cocoon. This process looks like shutting down to the outside. While a person cocoons, they hold on to only a few routines that must be done and let go of many activities that once gave them pleasure. Sometimes it is only for season, but sometimes it is a way of protecting themselves.
He Sings For The Fun Of It
When we watch those we love detach, sometimes all we see is the decline and not the inner joy. The decline scares us when we remember their earlier vitality. We wish for a return to what used to be. Sometimes they do too.
More often, people seem to sense when it is time to slow down and soak up the warmth or just enjoy simple pleasures. While we say things like "She is failing" or "He is declining", they seem to be thinking, "I am getting closer now!" For example, I know someone who has had to get his food through a stomach tube for a number of years since he had throat cancer. Even though he cannot swallow food, he sings little songs all through the day to cheer himself and his wife.
Not Failing, Cocooning
Rather than saying someone is "failing", let’s change the idea to "cocooning". Who wants to be seen as failing? We all want to be seen as capable, even if we need help in some areas of our life. I never wanted an "F" in school and I certainly don’t want it life either.
When we cocoon, we do so with hope that a re-invigorated butterfly will emerge. When in this state, whether because we are ill or frail, we need special care from those near by. This weekend my husband enthusiastically took on the job of making me soup. He helped me do a necessary task when I was not up for it. Maybe later, we’ll both need someone to cook healthy, tasty meals for us. Although, I am sure they won’t equal his.
It may take a village to raise a child, but as I have written elsewhere "it takes a stage crew for our final act". When we are older, we need to identify a trusted circle of care we can rely upon. This will help us experience the kind of quality of life that protects us, leaving room for joy even as we prepare for "lift off".
TAP Into Your Circle of CareTM
As my mom likes to remind herself, "just because we have needs, does not mean we are needy". What keeps us from being "needy"? One way is to do an honest assessment of our needs and have conversations with others about our capabilities as we age. That way we are better able to seek and accept the type of help we’ll need at various stages of life. Even if your motto is "Need No Help", remember we all rely upon other people during our lifetime. The very fabric of our civilized lives is built upon mutual needs being fulfilled.
As we age, no matter our age, here’s the only question - what type of service can you offer and what service do you need now?
